Wednesday, January 07, 2009

New Year

Sorry to be more like a blog than what I prefer this blog to be, which is a place to share, share what I am reading, watching, thinking about only in the sense that it corresponds to so-called art or something ephemeral and does not deal as much with the inner workings of this here person, but I do occasionally drift from that superficial place of being and get all bloggish and start to talk shit or say something that borders on the (gasp!) personal, which I shall now do (thankfully) briefly:

2008 is fucking done. School is fucking done. I’m a graduate of the big university in Evanston. I’m readying the search for more meaningful (to me) employment. I’ve scratched off people from the list of fuckwits I’ve too long called “friends” and am focusing on cultivating lasting relationships with people who are not so full of shit. I’m working on things, things that matter to me, even if they matter not a bit to anyone else. I’m trying, lord, I’m trying. I’m going to make this a year to remember. I’m going to embrace the positive (and positivism) that I have previously shunned, which is not to say that I shall become the dreaded Pollyanna, no, never, but the adolescent fashionable faux nihilism that I might have displayed in times past has long since become a bore and anyway it has done little for me. I begin this Saturday volunteer teaching, and even though my students number only 2, it’s a start. (What I will tell them is a mystery.) I begin again battling the dirty tobacco weed. I make plans to travel and to move to different digs where I might have a better mindset and less murderous thoughts. I try to erase the nonsense, turn off the TV, stay on point, stay off the anger treadmill, stay in the gym, focus, focus, focus, drive, driven, drifting and, at long last, getting somewhere closer to where I want to be. Enough bullshit, says I. This is the goddamn year. Check with me next January and see if I am still this up. If so, then something was accomplished. If not, well… please buy me a drink.