Friday, February 18, 2011

Happy Birthday, Dad

My father’s birthday is today, so, in his honor, I am going to defend the Rolling Stones, his favorite rock band, and go against my instincts in the whole Beatles v. Stones debate. For the record, I prefer a few Beatles songs to most of the Stones’ catalog, but my mood is shifting. “Cry Baby Cry” and “Taxman” are great enough to make me a Bealtes guy, but really the Kinks and the Who are better than pretty much all else from the era. But I digress…

10 reasons why the Stones are better than the Beatles:

1. The Stones didn’t write “Oh Blah-Dee, Oh Blah-Dah”

2. While the Beatles merely made an off joke about being bigger than Jesus, the Stones hinted at real Satanism. That’s hardcore!

3. John and Paul might have smoked some grass and dropped acid but neither of them knew the fury of heroin. Keith, love him or hate him, is a rock star who’s danced with the skag.

4. Two words: GIMMIE SHELTER!

5. The Beatles sang “all you need is love”; the Stones sang “I’m a flea bit peanut monkey, all my friends are junkies!” Who would you rather party with?

6. The Stones never let their drummer sing.

7. The Beatles had many phases, mostly cute and relatively harmless. The Stones made a record called Sticky Fingers with a pair of pants and a working zipper on the cover. For all intents and purposes, the Beatles were pretty sexless and sex is an essential component of rock and roll.

8. The Beatles stopped touring. The Stones never will. Okay, these last few decades have been a joke as far as that’s concerned, but a real rock band plays live. They sweat it out on stage. They live a chuck of their lives on the road. They miss birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries to play gigs. The Stones might charge absurd fees for their shows, and they may be long past relevant, but they know that rock and roll lives in a concert venue.

9. The Stones managed to make disco palatable.

10. One of the Stone’s tamer songs, “Under My Thumb” was the soundtrack to a murder at Altamont. Even the slower material is pretty dangerous.