Monday, December 30, 2013

Playing the Game

This is the time when people begin to make resolutions for what they will do, or, in some cases, what will happen to them, in the new year, the old one coming to an end and not a lot of things having happened that were predicted during last year's purgatory between Christmas and New Year’s Day.  Of course, none of our resolutions and predictions come to pass because of our own doing (or lack thereof) and because the universe likes to screw with us.  (How do you make god laugh?  Make a plan.)   I tend to believe the latter, so I’ve decided to work the universe rather than be worked over by the fucker.  So here are my resolutions for 2014:

I will fail utterly in every endeavor. 

I will be penniless.

I will gain massive amounts of weight.

I will fall into an irretrievable depression.

I will have no free time and live all my waking hours in tedium.

I will not sleep much at all.

I will subsist on the basest of foods and drink only foul beverage. 

I will wade through an existential crisis that will challenge me to reexamine each of my cherished beliefs only to come through in more confusion than when I began.

My cholesterol will skyrocket.

There.  That ought to do it. 

Happy New Year.