Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Great Bands That Never Were

I am hardly the first person to say the words: “We should start a band!”  But say them I have.  Of course, I have not actually started a band, but I have ideas and that’s what counts, right?  Well maybe not, but considering the lousy state of music today I’m confident that my imaginary bands are making infinitely better music than anything on the radio at the moment.  Here is a list of six bands that should have been:

Biting Bricks

This was a band I sort of formed with Chris Hunger.  We had the idea of an industrial/country band that played songs inspired by grade Z horror movies.  We wrote one song, “The Severed Arm”, and put together a pretty good cover of “Batdance” but that was the extent of our output.  I still think an industrial/country band is a good idea, so let me know if there any takers out there.  I’ve seen a lot of shitty horror movies, so the songs will write themselves. 

Slim Hips/Dribble Glass

Slim Hips was to consist of me on bass and my buddies Mike K. and Travis D. on saxophone and drums, respectively.  We envisioned jazz music with crude lyrics.  Once Travis left town, Mike K. and I decided to form a band called Dribble Glass.  The one rule was that we’d be very drunk for each performance.  Hardly original, but it sounded like a good idea at the time.  Sadly, neither band materialized, partially due to the amount of drinking the three of us were doing that summer.  Forming a band sounds great right around last call; less so in the sobering light of day. 

God Christ Awful

There were no serious (or drunken) talks to actually do this, but Chris Sebela and I briefly discussed the possibility of starting a metal band.  We agreed on the genre and then promptly forgot about the whole thing.  Full credit to Chris for the awesome name, which really needs to be used by someone. 

Repo Man

I floated the idea to Tony Tavano (of Vortis fame): let’s start a band that plays the entire Repo Man soundtrack.  Think about it: covers of Suicidal Tendencies, Iggy Pop, Fear, Circle Jerks, The Plugz.  That would be a great show.  For a few days, the idea had legs.  We emailed, made plans for practice, thought about where to premiere our great vision, and then did absolutely nothing to make it happen.  

Whiskey Dick

Out of boredom, I compiled a list of songs about whiskey.  Turns out there’re a lot of them.  So why not form a pub rock band that plays them all?  Hardly serious, I pitched the idea to a musician friend and again to Chris Sebela, and while both were smart enough to know I was essentially kidding, I think this is the one idea that has the most potential and would be the most fun.  Of course, the issue is the spelling of the band's name.  I vote to include the E in whiskey, but to do so would alienate Scottish concert-goers.