Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Love it or Leave it? Show Me the Door.

The last thing this blog needs to be is political, but…

This week I have been engaged in a spirited debate with the family (nothing new), this time on the subject of France. It occurs to me that the problem my fellow Americans have with France is that they do not agree with us on a good number of things. Nor should they.

An email was sent around the old misinformation superhighway to the tune of, “My daughter went to France and they were rude to her once they discovered she is an American. They are such assholes… fuck France.” Or something. I believe the email also called for a boycott of all things French. It conjures up the time, a few scant years and several bloody deaths ago, when we entered into this absurd and pointless war and France refused to lend support, causing the Yankee yokels to stop eating French fries. Some decided they could not live without the salty treats and opted to eat only “Freedom Fries”. Well, if we can’t have our cholesterol raised then the terrorists have won.

Expressing shock at the rudeness of the French is sort of like complaining about getting wet after jumping in a pool. It is a legendary trait, perhaps embellished heavily, that has become the stuff of myth. I am certain that there are as many rude Frenchmen as there are ugly Americans, which is a lot. But to criticize the French for rudeness means we must look at our own myopia and cultural insensitivity. How many cultures have we shit on? Lots. We are a bigger country, so shall we count the amount of racist Americans and compare it to the number of rude French? If one were to allow the numbers to weigh, it might be the good old U.S. of A. that comes out smelling less like a rose and more like a slice of rotting apple pie.

But we saved their asses in WWII and they don’t care. How dare they express such ingratitude! As an American I expect a blow job from every French citizen as thanks for keeping them safe from the Third Reich. After all, we won that war, which we entered rather late after years of turmoil suffered by other countries. We entered it because we cared about the state of other nations and had a fundamental desire to fight an evil force and do the proverbial right thing. Or was it because we got attacked, I can’t recall. One thing I do know is that now we do care deeply about every other nation, which is why we are in Iraq. We care so much we liberate the people from the evil thugs who call themselves leaders. Which is why we have occupied every country currently ruled by a dictator subjecting his people to atrocities. As of this moment, no other country is in such a state. Freedom reigns tall over the entire globe. Thank god for the U.S.A.

Now pardon me while I drink a glass of Merlot and enjoy some Baudelaire poems.